Neurotic by Nature - Mostly True Stories from the life of Mandi

Ah, Scottsdale - Home of the Big Douches!

Mandi — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:31:31 GMT

Gotta love hating Scottsdale. For those of you who don't live in the Metro Phoenix area, it's kind of like visiting Barbie's playhouse....but worse. I avoid Scottsdale like the plague...The last time I went there for social interaction was a bloody nightmare....

Anyhow, if you haven't heard the Flowbots song "No Handlebars" you may not appreciate this parody, but I think this is the best thing to come out of the Edge 103.9 studio in ages....

There was even a mention of this in AZ Central, where I learned that there are a LOT of songs that bag on Snottsdale....

I also found an awesome interview with the man behind the mike, Craven Moorehead (think about it, think about it, now giggle) in the New Times.

Gotta love the part that goes "Gonna get to the 101 with no DUI, no DUI, no DUI." I know a whole lotta Scottsdale douche boys who have been singing that refrain for years...

How to Drive in Phoenix

Mandi — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:51:59 GMT

How to drive in the Phoenix Metro area:

You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.
The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in the East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
Know the names:

Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the '10' are the same road unless it's the part of the I-17 that is also called the Maricopa Freeway.
SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY unless it's east of the 101 and then it becomes the SanTan, then it ends, and then becomes the SanTan again.
SR 143 is a street AND a freeway at the same time. Either way, it's the Hohokam Expressway. No one really knows what purpose SR153 has exactly.
SR51 has been called both the Squaw Peak Freeway and Piestewa Freeway. Depends who's talking to you.
US60 on the east side is the Superstition Freeway. On the west side it's a diagonal road with lots of traffic lights that's best avoided altogether.
Sometimes you'll hear things on the traffic reports that refer to 'the innerloop.' No one (besides traffic reporters) ever called anything in Phoenix by that name. Matter of fact, I'm not sure where that is exactly.
Dunlap and Olive are the same street.
Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street.
SR 101 is the Pima FWY east of I-17, which is the Black Canyon FWY (south of the 101, north of the 101 it is Veterans Memorial HWY) unless you are south of the 202 then the 101 becomes the Price FWY. SR 101 west of I-17 (at all times) is the Agua Fria FWY.
No one is quite sure where Bethany 's Home is.
Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.'
If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.
It's a sport to make a yellow light from at least 500 feet away.

(If this weren't so true, it would really be pretty funny!)

Home Alone

Mandi — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:09:24 GMT

These people were always finding water all over their pool deck and furniture, every time they came home, after being away for a few hours. They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave, and using the pool. However, they could never catch them doing it. So, they set up their video cam and left. This is what they found out.

Fun 4th Facts!

Mandi — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 10:11:56 GMT

Happy 4th of July Everyone!

I'd just like to share some interesting facts about our American Independence Day.

The song America the Beautiful, the National Hymn, was published on July 4, 1895. The author was a professor at Wellesley College named Kathy Lee Bates.
Our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, as everyone knows, was penned as a poem by Francis Scott Key during the War of 1812. However, did you know that when it was set to music by Judge Joseph H. Nicholson, it was set to the tune of a British Drinking song? Here's a video of The Anacreontic Song, where we get our familiar tune from:
The words "Under God" were not added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. The original version was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy.
The Fourth of July was not declared a legal holiday until 1941.
the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission reported 9,800 visits to the Emergency Room in 2007 for fireworks related mishaps and injuries.
Uncle Sam was another (like the Anthem) born out of the War of 1812, where his image was first popularized. However, Congress did not adopt him as a national symbol until 1961.
Several US States have laws prohibiting dancing to the Star Spangled Banner, including Michigan.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July!

Need a Pen? I've Got One to Share!

Mandi — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:49:07 GMT

I love the somewhat inappropriate...it's funny when amongst adults. I also love practical jokes, although I'm a bit rusty in that area. So I was just thrilled to find this on PerpetualKid.com. Really take the time to read the sub print. They don't even have an affiliate program....I'm sharing this stuff for FREE! I can't wait to get these pens and start switching them out in places like in the little bar tab folder thing the waitress brings....at the bank, maybe a cop writing me a ticket......the possibilities are almost endless!

I think my favorite might be Shecky the Clown: Bar Mitzvahs, Weddings, Interventions. How messed up would it be to have a clown at an intervention? I'm trying to picture that happening on the A & E Show, aptly named Intervention. Personally, I think it would piss me off and make me do more drugs, clowns are scary. Unless, you told the addict that UNLESS they get help, Shecky the Clown will follow them everywhere. OMG, I just cured drug addiction! I'm a freaking genius!

Watermelon On Tap & Drunken Watermelon Pops

Mandi — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 22:10:37 GMT

I’m planning my first summer pool party and BBQ of the year for Saturday. There are a few things I’ve wanted to do to add a little more flare and style and I’m trying to decide if this is the party to do them for.

First, I found this and I am just enchanted with the idea of making one.

Watermelon On Tap

Filled with alcoholic watermelon juice and other drinky goodness…..mmmmm. Of course, now I don’t have a bar to put it on since we tore it down. I’ll find something to support my watermelon of decadence.

I found all the instructions on how do to this on the Evite Blog.

It SOUNDS pretty easy, just scoop, drill etc. However, I have a feeling that it could take a while. I wonder if I can do it the day before, since I'm off work to handle party prep.

I can just see myself, covered in watermelon guts, greeting guests and sticking to them. Not fun.

I think I will change the recipe slightly as well. I don't like rum. It's my party, so I think it may be a vodka based drink.

I will post updates if I have the time and the insanity to go ahead and make one of these.

So my next question is what do I do with all those watermelon guts I removed to create the punch?

Then I found this at Chow.com:

Drunken Watermelon Pops

Once I read both recipes/instructions, I knew this combination had to go together like Batman and Robin (but with out the ambiguous sexual overtones.)

Firefox Download Day

Mandi — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:25:56 GMT

Set a Guinness World Record Enjoy a Better Web

Sounds like a good deal, right? All you have to do is get Firefox 3 during Download Day to help set the record for most software downloads in 24 hours.

The official date for the launch of Firefox 3 is June 17, 2008.

Interesting Blog Statistics

Mandi — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:09:03 GMT

I have been blogging for 2 years, 1 month and 25 days….
I have a total of 183 entries, with a total word count of 77,751 words
I average .23 entries per day, 1.63 per week and 7.04 per month…..

My top 5 most popular entries are:

5. Libra - does this explain anything?
4. Why I'm Addicted to StumbleUpon
3. I Flew
2. Firefly Fan Tribute Video
1. Mandi's Top Ten Favorite Zombie Films

And the top 5 categories (most entries) are:

5. Random Thoughts
4. Current Events
3. Web Stuff
2. Sex Love and Relationships
1. Family and Friends

My top 5 most comment on entries are:

5. Sick....of the Internet
4. There's a Bun in My.....Hard Drive??
3. Dude Looks Like a Lady? Nope! It's a Pregnant Man!
2. Songs as Weapons of Mass Destruction
1. 5 Things that Mean Your Website Sucks

Anyhow, as I have been neglecting my blog lately, I thought this might be fun to share what’s been going on…and sometimes you have to write, even if it’s just random crap. For my blogging friends - I would love to see what's hot on YOUR blog....comment and link/trackback if you decide to post something like this.

Too Much Going On!

Mandi — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:15:21 GMT

Yeah, I know, I've been a terrible slacker. It's not like I didn't warn you guys that I wasn't feeling the whole blogging thing a while back. Working OT, staring at websites all day kinda saps your desire to come home and write. I've been slacking off on Successful Online Dating also....so it's not just this blog.

Tons of REALLY cool things have been going on.

Work:
As always, I don't write more then generic stuff here, but my annual review went well. I also like the direction they are taking the department in, some really good proactive stuff coming along. I can focus more and more on my primary function. The huge upside of this is that the burn out I was starting to feel has faded out. Also, random vacation days have been helping.....and I could still take a sold month off paid....I do love my job!

Home:
FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY! I have gotten SO many things done around the house lately. The scary thing is, for every thing I cross off the list, I find 3 more that I can add to it. The best parts are I got the front yard FINISHED....well, I could do a few little fancy touches, but all the rock is in, most of the weeds are gone and it looks FANTASTIC! Backyard is really starting to shape up as well. A little more work is needed there. The guys (Mike, Joe and Chad) destroyed the bar that was driving me insane. It took up most of the patio, and it's not like we used it. Who has a bartender for a pool party?

Friends:
This is the area where things are the least focused for me right now. I've been kind of inward facing. Next Saturday I'm having a big pool party & BBQ, that should help me get back in touch with my neglected friends. I did get to drive a friend to the ER the other night. I'm like ER girl or something. I stay very calm, ask good questions of the docs and make sure all the paperwork gets filled out. Sigh....glad to be there for a friend, but I don't like the ER.

Health:
We had this awesome little heath fair at work (and GOD, I LOVE OUR BENEFITS!) Most of my stuff was good, but I joined a gym with a friend, and will be SERIOUSLY trying to get the last of the weight off. I want to loose about 30-40 lbs over the summer....I've done so good so far, just stepping up the activity should really make a major difference. Also FINALLY getting my back/neck issues taken care of. Don't have bursitis in the shoulder, yay! But do have tendonitis of the elbow. Crap, I am falling apart. Already after 1 week feeling a difference. But that is part of the reason I've been so seldom seen online.....

Anyhow, that's my update. I think I will be a little more consistent now that I've finally broken the writer's block.

Zombies, the Simpson's & a Gun

Mandi — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:42:31 GMT

If you love The Simpsons (Cartoon family, not the the Jessica Simpson family), video games, wasting time on the internet and killing zombies, than this is for you.

Play This Game